Senses:// Re-engineered

It's been such a long time since I have been out amongst those from the same racial kin as myself. So much so that I was kinda of dreading it at one point. With my best friend being the birthday boy, my attendance felt more like an obligation. I must confess, the usual drinking games and karaoke frequently the highlight of most oriental gatherings have never been my thing, maybe to the point of disliking it but I actually had a good time nonetheless. It was great to see that my friend has finally found a good companion and more importantly that he is happy and have something to aim for.

Met some interesting characters tonight. Quite surprised by their kindness and how open they were. Perhaps their actions have made my previous errors in judgement ever more clearer. Earlier betrayals have no doubt instilled a feeling of distrust and doubt in me, but to make assumption of many based on the experience of a few was folly. Perhaps I should let go of my preconception and be more willing to embrace everything new. Oh well... Its just another day.

Throughout the night, being in the presence of my racial equals, I couldn't help but reminisce on a time beyond, an age passed, a lifetime ago. A time and place when I was still seeking myself, trying to find an identity of my own from people who appear, at least on the surface, to be the same as myself. Addicted on the notion that I could be accepted for who I am, I found the complete opposite to what I was seeking. The feeling of belonging was short-lived and soon enough, I was pulled deeper and deeper into the wrong circle until it was too late. I got hurt, saw many wicked faces and at present still wears wounds from yesteryears that never fully healed, still itches and stings till this very day. The small social circle magnified the complexity of human interaction, while the label of ethnic minority fostered a feeling of distrust, competition and anger, brewing and fermenting. Further lines of segregation were draw as Chinese of different origin piled into the melting pot that is Manchester. BBC, CBC, HKBC, VBC are just some brandings given to Chinese of different origins and with them also came the less pleasant side of a culture, completely different from what I have previously experienced.

I have came to accept my experiences and my mistakes in the past and came to terms with everything that has happened. I am at a place I enjoy, shown who I am and where I can potentially be. I am luckier than many by far and for that, I should take comfort and cherish everything. Its better to get there later rather than never, the sorrow, regrets and reflection might have been the currency for the ferryman of the river that is growth and development. Good things awaits on the other side! Never look back! Take heed to the lessons learned, pay the ferryman handsomely and feel the brisk wind of change!